For better and for worse, Hollywood has a tendency to recycle ideas. It’s easy to say “don’t do it” and “the original was perfect” but every now and again, an older movie could use a fresh coat of paint. Plenty of movies would benefit from a new cast, script, director, or effects. We put our heads together as a team and came up with the following movies that we think warrant a remake.
Soylent Green (1973)
I’m not sure a science fiction film about global warming and overpopulation would do much to legitimize the conversation in our current climate (pun intended), but with a good screenwriter at the helm, Soylent Green 2020 could at least widen eyes. A near future dystopian society, desperate and willing to blindly accept what they’re given…yeah, that still works. You could change or divide the investigative duties into this new, “high-energy plankton” wafer, between a NYC detective and an indie journalist (think Vice News). It might be redundant, and too severe to have someone like Alex Garland (Ex Machina, Annihilation) direct, but it’s possible that’s the direction this needs to go. Let’s get super weird and serious, putting Jeremy Saulnier in the chair. Ya know, Soylent Green Room? …that was dumb, apologies. Maybe…just maybe, enough time has passed so that Heston’s iconic/spoiling end monologue would still be a surprise to some millennial ears. (BM)
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Technology has come a long way since Stephen King’s 1986 autonomous machinery nightmare, which leaves us with a whole hell of a lot more creative ways for them to turn against humanity. Kamikaze autopilots. Cell phones blowing up in hands. Smart homes getting a mind of their own with Siri and Alexa as interpreters. Just thinking about what those Boston Dynamic robots could be up to gives me the chills… The juxtaposition of centering at a truck-stop diner these days would work even more in its favor, with trucking being a career that’s already in the crosshairs of automation and its prime in the rear view. This is the kind of King adaptation I personally would like to see another swing at. The kind of film you’d need a true genre fan like Joe Lynch (Mayhem, Wrong Turn 2) to direct. (BM)
The Faculty (1998)
The Faculty is a typical high school movie. You have your different social groups, large football games, people in relationships, a new student in town, teachers that seem to always be on your case, and, oh yeah, there just happens to be an alien invasion impending the destruction of the human race. Honestly, this movie is amazing. Any type of remake wouldn’t be to improve on a poor execution, but to simply modernize and update the original. It’s 20 years old at this point, and the CGI is a bit sketchy to say the least. Keep it very faithful, while maybe making the creatures more disgusting, the violence and gore more extreme, and the tone maybe a bit darker and more sinister. Keep the cattiness and playfulness between the characters true to how high schoolers actually treat one another.
Have the team behind either Starry Eyes or The Void in charge of the creature effects and body horror. As for the cast (see a comparison here), I’d use Dylan Minnette (‘13 Reasons Why’) to play Casey, Charlie Tahan (‘Ozark’) as Zeke, Bex Taylor-Klaus (MTV’s ‘Scream’) as Stokes, Hailee Steinfeld (The Edge of Seventeen) as Delilah, Kathryn Newton (‘Supernatural’) as Marybeth, KJ Apa (‘Riverdale’) as Stan, Jessica Stroup (‘The Following’) as Miss Burke, and as a fun call back, have Josh Hartnett come back and play Coach Joe Willis. But not matter who plays who, Elijah Wood must be involved. He’s been a steady figure in modern horror, both in front of, and behind the camera. Being one of his earlier roles, I’m sure he would love to return and have his hands in a remake. (JS)
The Craft (1996)
The Craft is an occult driven revenge film centered on four teenage girls. The story of this Los Angeles based coven was instantly iconic in the 90s, and is a pretty enjoyable ride. Now let me be clear, no one is going to out-crazy Fairuza Balk here. This is an instance where the movie wouldn’t benefit from a remake so much as audiences would. The Craft felt relatable and cathartic for a lot of teenagers when it debuted, and still rings true for many. But high school and society in general have shifted quite a bit since the 90s. While the themes may be timeless the communication of them is a bit dated here, and an updated film could do wonders. I can’t imagine who could take on Nancy Downs, but Natalie Dyer could make for a great Sarah Bailey. (AP)
Awakening the Zodiac (2017)
Having just been released, this 2017 thriller that follows a husband/wife duo on their quest to conclude the notoriously unsolved case of the Zodiac Killer. This movie was indisputably a poorly written mess but the idea was there. Odd casting choices put Shane West and Leslie Bibb at the forefront of the film, trying to make sense of a senseless script. Those of us still invested in this case need a well-put together crime drama to fantasize about catching the elusive Zodiac, and Awakening the Zodiac did not deliver. (MI)
Dream Writer/Director: Alex Garland
Dream Cast: unknowns
House of Wax (1953)
After surviving an attempt on his life, a wax museum owner becomes vengeful and murderous, using unorthodox methods to create his sculptures. Originally starring Vincent Price, this is a remake that I’m not sure benefits from being done so much as I want to see other people take a stab at it. With wax museums waning in popularity, make it as a period piece (which will allow for props and costuming to shine), and set someone like Robert Eggers in the director’s chair. Lead the cast with Toby Jones as the museum owner and Carey Mulligan as his muse, and you’ve got the makings of a fine bit of period horror. (AP)
Night of the Creeps (1986)
Night of the Creeps is a super cheesy, incredibly fun 80’s mashup of a zombie film, alien invasion, and slasher. It’s without a doubt, a B movie, which was the creators’ intentions. I don’t want to see this film remade because it’s a bad movie. In fact, it’s quite fun and very enjoyable. I simply think the horror/comedy genre has been hit or miss in the past decade, with a majority of entries falling flat on both aspects. A remake of Night of the Creeps, while setting it in modern times and tweaking the script to include the use of cell phones, social media, and current young adult mannerisms would make for a super entertaining movie. Really ramp up the campiness and play into the comedy side, while paying homage to the 80s by using nothing but practical effects and makeup. I’m not sure exactly who should lead such a project, but I could totally see Jim Hosking (director of The Greasy Strangler) doing it justice. (JS)
Rosemary’s Baby (1968
It doesn’t get more iconic than Mia Farrow delivering the spawn of Satan in Rosemary’s Baby. But you gotta admit, the movie would be a whole lot more enjoyable without Roman Polanski’s name attached to it. To accommodate for today’s attention spans, the original length of two hours and 17 minutes could use some editing down too.
Dream Director: Karyn Kusama (MI)
Creepshow (1982)
Creepshow is one of the few anthology films that stands the test of time pretty well. However, we’d be lying if we didn’t admit that some of the film’s segments seem a tad dated. If someone did take on this ‘80s classic, we’d like to see them tackle modern issues, but keep the classic’s somewhat mean tongue-and-cheek style.
Dream Cast: Ted Danson returns—Although Danson wouldn’t be able to play the same role he did in the original (R.I.P.) he’s now old enough to play the grizzled, older man who mutters, “no one’s been down that road for 20 years…” (AS)
The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
No, not the 2004 Emmy Rossum musical, and not the Broadway play. The Phantom of the opera has strong horror roots with its silent film origin, starring Lon Chaney as the hideous monster haunting the Paris Opera House and terrorizing young Christine Daaé. Give me a dark, gritty monster movie with no mediocre musical performances (looking at you Gerard Butler), and we have the potential for a fantastical film of Guillermo del Toro proportions. (FS)
Deliverance (1972)
A classic case of backwoods awfulness. A setting that I find more and more intriguing as the focus on digital connectivity intensifies. As a huge fan of this subgenre, I’ll be the first to say this might be the most unnecessary remake on this list…but hear me out. Deliverance could absolutely benefit by gender balancing the cast out, which totally makes sense. After a simple google search it’s looking like more than 1 in 10 modern hunters are female. And that number is rising. Now for the ugly elephant in the room… The “squeal like a piggy”, stuff. More than ever, the rape revenge genre is a tough thing to even approach. BUT, following the success of films like MFA (Natalia Leite), American Mary (The Soska Sisters), & Revenge (Caralie Fargeat), I strongly feel that *if* this was to be made, it would need a woman in the director’s chair. Someone who would guarantee a non-glaring look at a strong woman, fighting out of a horrific situation. A little more The River Wild than I Spit on Your Grave. Alright, a lot more. Bonus points if they leave in, “Dueling Banjos”. (BM)
Night of the Hunter (1955)
When a mysterious stranger marries a gullible young widow, the scene quickly goes bad as he tries to get her two young children to reveal the location to the family’s hidden wealth. Watching this film as a far-too-young child, the thought of two children my own age trying to escape from their ruthless pursuer was absolutely terrifying. Perhaps it’s the childhood trauma, but this movie holds up for me on an all-too-real level. Set the film in present times with a convincing cast, and you’ve got a modern day cornucopia of parental nightmares. And hear me out, casting agents: Dan Stevens. Wrap it up. (FS)
Them! (1954)
Fifties creature feature Them! explores how terrifying ants would be if they were really, really big. The puppetry of the ants was impressive enough at the time to earn the movie an Oscar nominee for special effects. Now, it’s comical. Redo this with some solid practical effects (or extremely well done CG) and chop out the unnecessary love story and bring back scary bugs. (MI)
Dream Cast: Tessa Thompson as Dr. Patricia Medford, Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Harold Medford, Guy Pearce as Sgt. Ben Peterson, Andre Holland as Special Agent Robert Graham
