Over the weekend, myself and two brave friends made the trip to northern Idaho’s Scarywood. For one month, this pioneer themed amusement park puts on a more sinister mask. A welcoming fog and distant screams greet you as you approach the park. Due to my early arrival this season, experience with the park, and luck, I was able to experience all the terror this years park provided. Starting with…
[customfont1]ZOMBIEWOOD EXPRESS[/customfont1]
This being my second time participating in Scarywood, I entered with a mission. A year prior I left having experienced everything the park had to offer, except taking a ride on this stream powered death bringer. After a rather short wait (considering the almost 30 minute ride time and limited seating), we boarded Sgt. Buzz’s heavily armed and armored locomotive. This attraction warns of profane language, scenes of violence, and high decibel gunfire & explosions. The later is something I experienced more than anything. I’m unsure if the intensity of a certain blast was intentional, but lets just say I felt it, physically. When it comes to the cast and performance, personally, it fell rather flat. And I do mean personally. I was recently diagnosed with a condition called turning 30 years old and my reaction could have been significantly impacted by this. Immature dialogue, obnoxious and goofy characters. I was however, extremely impressed my the costuming of all of our protectors. Chainmail under a tattered military outfit. A clown who obviously has had much experience with high explosives. An eastern European woman in leather who’s attitude makes up for her small stature (I know first hand, as she knocked my baseball cap off for looking at her). Last but certainly not least, a monster of a man going by the name of “Subject 7”. The energy of this ride relies on participation from its attendants, and quite possibly would be a better experience later in the season, or later in the night.
I left the train, ears ringing, not knowing just how terrifying the rest of my night was going to be…
[customfont1]TOTAL DARKNESS[/customfont1]
After standing in line, facing a bright floodlight (I’d imagine with the purpose of further disorientation in what was to come), we stumbled in. As a rather claustrophobic person, I was able to navigate the rough walls of this maze with my hands, pushing back panic…for a while. We caught up to a group in front of us, claiming that there was no clear path ahead, asking us to turn around. Knowing that it was them that was turned around, we tried convincing them to continue forward. What happened next will shock you…actually, it shocked me. The walls that had been my lifeline suddenly became electrified, lightly shocking my hands, and the backs of my arms as I was forced against the wall. This, the group ahead turning back, and the group behind catching up culminated in a terrifying, blind buildup that lasted far longer than I would have liked (in a good way?). This was not my first time in a light deprivation maze, but it is definitely one I will never forgot.
[customfont1]CAVED IN[/customfont1]
Hold your loved ones stalactite and with all of your stalagmite because this cavern isn’t for the faint of heart. With flickering lights more reliable than frequently disappearing guides, wondering these jagged tunnels is sure to creep out even the most experienced of miners. Monsters coming out of near darkness looking something in Neil Marshall’s The Descent, startled me to the point of jumping back. As a horror fan, this is rate, and something usually achieved with the assistance of abrupt screams/slams. Kudos to you, monster infested maze.
[customfont1]3-DEMENTIA[/customfont1]
Muffled dubstep gets louder and louder as we approach this attraction. Scary, I know. I chose this maze next as a pallet cleaner, entering with very little expectations. A break from our defensive, hunched walking stance. After donning a pair of 3-D glasses, our party entered. Walking past cartoonish, neon colored nightmares that appeared to be jumping out at us, guided by a now infections beat, our energy levels were immediately replenished. A twisted version of carnival funhouses I’d attended as a child. Disorienting tunnels, moving ground assisting our dancing, occasional ghouls appearing with less malicious goals. We entered thinking this would be a throwaway, and left smiling, considering a second walkthrough.
[customfont1]BLOOD BAYOU[/customfont1]
…we meet again. This was my favorite maze from my 2015 visit and I was extremely interested in how they could possibly up their game…boy did they! Once again we are “greeted” by a massive, looming, animatronic Grim Reaper figure, informing us of our impending doom. I had a short conversation with a minion who was guarding our entrance. He wasn’t incredibly talkative, but what would you expect from a tortured soul like that? Two ominous french doors opened, and we entered. During our visit to the Bayou, we met a bevy of characters. A stringy haired man yelling down at us from a balcony, an extremely messy eater with particular tastes, cages full of woman saying things I couldn’t quite understand. “Help…get us…we’re trap…”? …I’m sure they’re fine… There was one addition this year that took the cake. Something I’ve never experienced in the dozens of haunts i’ve attented. I want you to experience this as blind as I did, so excuse the following cryptic nature of the following description. Let’s just say…you’ll fall for this. Things go south… You won’t be concerned about making awkward small talk anymore.
The horror goes beyond these attractions, as the park is littered with unavoidable scares zones. Clowns with large, blood-soaked knives, scarecrows resting patiently on bales of hay to do their job…scare, and expressionless dolls gracefully gliding out of seemingly nowhere. You’ll get a bad case of the creeps when you pass though the Scaryood Nest, a web filled tunnel packed with dense fog. And what good haunt would be complete without chainsaws? If you smell gas…run!
There is no escaping the terror, and no reason you shouldn’t attend Scarywood this year.
[customfont1]This Friday and Saturday (October 14th & 15th) you can save $8 on ticket prices when you use promo code FRIGHTDAY16.[/customfont1]
For booking and more details, visit ScarywoodHaunt.com
