FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘The Fly (1986)’

When an experiment goes wrong, Seth Brundle mutates into something truly monstrous, both in body and mind. An update of the 1958 classic, David Cronenberg’s vision for this tale of science gone wrong pushes things further in every direction. Jeff Goldblum plays Brundle with a nuanced eccentricity and a convincing …

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REVIEWTV

A 666-Word Review of ‘The Santa Clarita Diet’

I’m sure by this point, everyone with any kind of social media account has gotten countless notifications about a new Netflix original show called The Santa Clarita Diet. Personally, I scrolled past quite a few Twitter ads thinking Drew Barrymore was just hocking another celebrity endorsed  fad diet. Until, that …

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FILMREVIEWThrowback Thursday

A 666-Character Review of ‘Heathers’

A great ‘80s take on “be careful what you wish for,” Heathers follows Veronica Sawyer, a wise-beyond-her-years high schooler, as she navigates the typical stresses of catty teenage girls and a homicidal weirdo boyfriend. Not wanting to deal with her school’s queen bees, Sawyer (played by Winona Ryder) enlists the …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘Misery’

Paul Sheldon finishes his new book and gets into a devastating car accident. He’s saved by Annie Wilkes, his biggest fan who nurses him back to health. When she finds her favorite character Misery dies, Annie forces him to resurrect Misery in a new book or face painful consequences. This …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘Fraud’

Fraud is a marathon of quick cuts and rough cinematography that don’t seem to have a script. In other words, it’s found footage in top form. The film clocks in under one hour, and unfolds rather quickly as the family racks up debt, panics, and commits insurance fraud. The footage has …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘The Amityville Horror (1979)’

We all know the story. Happy new family moves into a house with a sordid history and, shortly thereafter, ghostly occurrences, imaginary friends, and drastic personality changes tear the family apart. In true 70’s fashion, it’s a bit heavy-handed with the, “there’s a portal to hell in the basement” issue, …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘The Axe Murders of Villisca’

In 1912, a family of eight was bludgeoned to death in their home in Villisca, Iowa. To this day, the crime remains unsolved. The Axe Murders of Villisca is the fictional account of three amateur ghost hunters who break into the site of these grisly murders hoping for one last big story. …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘Agatha’

My favorite thing about shorts is that they don’t wear out their welcome. They say what they need to say, and then they’re done. Agatha is no exception. Simple premise: take the food (freakishly ambiguous slabs of what is presumably meat) upstairs and come back downstairs. Don’t look around, don’t wander, don’t …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘Abattoir’

It stands to reason that a house must be built before it can be haunted; this movie is about the reverse. What if you could build a house already haunted?Abattoir presents this novel premise as part of an investigative-thriller. In digging into why her sister’s family was murdered, Julia stumbles across …

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FILMREVIEW

A 666-Character Review of ‘Beyond the Gates’

Gordon and John take to clearing out their father’s old video store, assuming him dead after being missing for seven months. In the back office they discover an old, cheesy VHS horror board game, the titular Beyond the Gates (spectacularly narrated by Barbara Crampton). It’s quickly apparent the game is something more, …

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